(c) 2007 New Radio Star, INC.

Final update at 11:42pm PDT

We begin with the top four headline stories...

SENATE RAISES FUEL STANDARDS TO 35MPH..REJECT TAX INCREASES ON OIL COMPANIES
The Senate agreed to pass a law that would raise fuel economy standards for new automobiles in the U.S. to 35 miles per gallon.  It is the first significant increase in standards in almost 20 years.  The bi-partisan compromise was meant to head off attempts by senators supporting the auto industry to block the proposal.  Supporters of the bill say they now have the 60 votes necessary to pass the measure.  Earlier, Republicans blocked a proposal that would have levies nearly $29 billion in taxex on major oil companies..the money to be  used for alternative fuels. But, GOP leaders said the taxes would be passed on to the consumers and mean even higher gas bills and less production.  But Democrats said the new taxes would help "ween ourselves away from OPEC."

*yeah...we need to ween ourselves away from the "good times."

AP SAYS BUSH ADMINISTRATION IS GETTING SET TO CLOSE GUANTANAMO BAY PRISON
The Associated Press reported yesterday that senior officials have built a consenus that "Gitmo", the prison center in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba should be closed and the prisoners moved to federal prisons like Leavenworth. Once that story broke, a planned meeting today that was supposed to decide on the closure was canceled. While the Pentagon, HSD and the State Department supposedly believe the move should be made, AP says Attorney General Gonzales and VP Dick Cheney are still against it
as they believe it would give terrorists undeserved legal rights.

OPERATION "MARNE TORCH" UNDERWAY AS U.S./IRAQI SOLDIERS ROOT OUT SUNNI INSURGENTS
Thousands of U.S. and Iraqi military personel are pushing south along the Tigris river though a Sunni insurgent stronghold known as Arab Jubour, going house to house to root out al Qaeda and Sunni insurgents.  The huge operation is surrounding Baghdad and cutting off escape routes on the river for the first time in the years of fighting.  Arab Jubour was the home to many of Saddam Hussein's top government elite and the U.S. troops have only made short incursions into that area until now.
But, with the "surge" of additional troops the attack is on both on the ground and in the air with large bombs also being dropped on the area.  At least 5 insurgents were killed yesterday and over 60 captured.  But, in Iraq, 14 soldiers and Marines were killed in fighting across Iraq since Tuesday.

13 YEAR OLD HAS LEGS SEVERED ABOVE THE ANKLE IN SIX FLAGS KENTUCKY KINGDOM RIDE
Superman Tower of Power...a roller coaster type ride that lifts passengers
177 feet straight up then drops 154 feet at the speed of 54 mph...A 13 year old girl lost both of her feet during the ride yesterday afternoon.  She
was rushed to a local hospital and the ride was closed and remains closed
pending an investigation into what exactly happened.  A witness described
to a local TV station,"We (saw) the cable break loose as soon as it got to
the top on the right hand side. As the ride came down, the wires swung
left. "Another witness said "The cable just snapped, and then as it was
coming on down, it just snapped again," she said.

*CBS in depth video report here
http://cbs2chicago.com/video/?id=33482@wbbm.dayport.com&cid=5
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AND EVEN MORE

SEX WILL KILL YA
Two young adults died early Thursday morning after they apparently fell off a four-story building in Columbia, South Carolina.  Police say a taxi driver found a man and a woman in their early 20s, both naked, lying in the street in front of a building on Laurel Street. Police spokeswoman, Sgt. Florence McCants said the victims were alive when rescue workers arrived at the scene and were taken to the hospital where they were pronounced dead a short time later. "It appears as if the two individuals were on the roof and could have accidentally fallen off the roof, onto the street," McCants said. There was no indication of foul play. The two fell about 50 to 60 feet. Police found clothing for two people on the roof of the building.  Police say they can only speculate at this point what the two may have been doing on the roof.

COULD "VIDEO GAME ADDICTION" BECOME A REAL DIAGNOSIS?
The American Medical Association is trying to get "video game addiction" listed as a legitimate medical condition. In his practice, Dr. Joseph Keeley, an Orlando pediatrician, says he has seen evidence of addiction. "There are some kids who clearly act like they're addicted and, when you take them off, they'll et irritable and hard to live with," Keeley said. On the other hand, Steve Jones, a University of Illinois professor who has studied college students' use of video games, said American society overreacts to new technology particularly when it involves children. He said it started back in the 1920s, when there was hand-wringing about how movies were causing children to spend too much time inside. "Fast forward, we started to hear the same thing about TV, then about comic books, the same thing about rock 'n' roll, the same thing about rap music and the same thing about the Internet," Jones said. The AMA vote then passes to the American Psychiatric Association, which publishes the Diagnostic and
Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, the primary handbook used to diagnose mental illnesses and disorders. APA medical director, Dr. James Scully says they share a concern for children's well-being and children who spend too much time playing video games is a concern, especially video games that contain violence."

ADDICTION TO ROCK AND ROLL RULED A DISABILITY
A Swedish heavy metal fan has won his case that ruled his "addiction to music" a formal disability.  The ruling means Roger Tullgren, 42, will collect thousands of dollars in benefits to help finance his obsession with music. His boss will be forced to let him play his loud music at work and give him time off for concerts.  Tullgren said his addiction began when he first listened to Ozzy Osbourne's band, Black Sabbath in 1971.  He'll now receive $120 a week, along with the money he earns as a dishwasher, to buy concert tickets and CDs.  He also hopes the disability money will pay his expenses for playing in his band, Silverland.

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HOLLYSTAR LATE NIGHT UPDATE

Britain's Prince William turned 25 on Thursday and his bank account got a
serious boost. The prince now has access to the interest of the $13 million his mother left to him when Diana died in 1997.  That's an estimated $500,000 to $600,000 a year.  He'll be able to touch the entire fortune when he turns 30. His brother Harry, 22, will gain access to his inheritance, a similar amount, on the same schedule, according to their mother's will. Currently, William and Harry each earn about $44,000 a year as second lieutenants in the British army, and their necessities, including housing, staff and polo are paid for by their father, Prince Charles.

http://www.amymiles.net/pics/kimmel1.html
Late night talk show host, Jimmy Kimmel is recuperating at home after undergoing an emergency appendectomy Wednesday night in Los Angeles. The 39-year-old comedian will be taking a few sick days while he recovers from the procedure. 

Which celebrity hunk has the best chest?
According to a poll by readers of In Touch Weekly, Mario Lopez is number one!   Lopez starred in "Saved By The Bell" when he was a teen, but most recently remembered for "Dancing With The Stars."   He is also in consideration as replacement for Bob Barker on "The Price Is Right." 


Here's the list...

1. Mario Lopez
2. Hugh Jackman
3. Matthew MCConaughey
4. Josh Duhamel
5. John Mayer

Isaiah Washington, who played Dr. Preston Burke on "Grey's Anatomy" is not leaving quietly, after his contract was not renewed for the upcoming season. Washington told the Houston Chronicle that T.R. Knight should have been fired from the show, instead of him, saying that Knight, who plays Dr. George O'Malley, stirred up the notion that the slur was targeted at him and created a negative work environment. Knight, who acknowledged that he was gay after the incident, told Ellen DeGeneres in January that Washington used the slur against him and that "everyone (on the set) heard it."  Washington says "that's a lie." Washington now says he is considering a lawsuit. The 43-year-old Washington said
he made three errors in judgment: "believing the cast of Grey's Anatomy were like family; believing he had the freedom to express myself with family and that they could resolve our issues; and trusting ABC was going to take care of him."

Kelly Rowan, who played Kirsten Cohen on "The O.C." for four years will be
getting married later this year, to David Thomson, mostly likely the the richest man in Canada. (worth $22 billion making him Forbes 10th richest man in the world) The pair met last year when Rowan, an Ottawa native herself, was working on a project in Toronto. This will be the first marriage for Rowan but the third for Thomson, 50. According to Canadian news site macleans.com, Thomson served his second wife, Laurie Ludwick, with divorce papers just hours after she returned home from the hospital after giving birth to their son Benjamin. Here's hoping the third time will be the charm.

You know Paris Hilton would come out of this short jail stay smelling like a
rose... The Post is reporting that NBC has agreed to pay as much as $1 million for the party girl's first after-jail interview, which will appear on the
"Today" show.  ABC is steaming because they were planning on Barbara Walters to conduct Paris's first interview, because Walters has befriended Kathy Hilton, Paris's mom.  But it appears dad had ideas of his own and gave the interview to Meredith Viera.

Drew Carey has become the latest contender to replace Bob Barker as host of "The Price is Right."  Nothing's been decided about who ultimately will fill Barker's legendary shoes however, Carey is one of several people who have been mentioned as one of the candidates. Carey makes a lot of sense for the Barker job, given his mainstream, blue-collar appeal. His comic roots, and a past gig on the ABC improv show "Whose Line Is it Anyway," also give him the ability to think quickly on his feet.

Us Weekly is reporting that Christina Aguilera, 26, and husband Jordan Bratman, 30, have made an offer on Ozzy Osbourne’s six-bedroom, seven-bathroom Beverly Hills mansion. The home, which was featured on MTV’s reality show The Osbournes, is said to be perfect for the couple because "they wanted a place to start a family."

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WEATHER

Dry across the U.S. this morning except for Iowa, western Illinois, southern Minnesota and eastern South Dakota. Some rain returns to eastern New York state and Vermont by midday. By tonight rain will cover most of Oklahoma, much of Texas and parts of Missouri, Kansas and Nebraska...that rain in Illinois will move east over southern Indiana and southern Ohio. In the northeast that New York state rain will spread over much of New England..some rain also in northern Florida...Highs in the high 60s in the northwest..71 in Boston..79 in New York, 77 in Chicago..60s and low 70s down the west coast...80s over the rest of the country except 90s in the southeast and the mountain states..Texas in the 80s but 90s and 100s over the rest of the southwest...Phoenix high is 111 and Vegas will be up to 109.
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SPOTLIGHT ON

 

AMY BRENNEMAN is 43 today

Amy Frederica Brenneman was born June 22, 1964 in New London, Connecticut... Amy's mother is a superior court judge and one of the first women to graduate from Harvard.  Her father is an environmental lawyer.  Amy has two brothers, both older...Matthew is a lawyer and Andrew is a computer software producer. She grew up in Glastonbury, Connecticut. Amy also graduated from Harvard where she majored in comparative religion.  She became interested in acting while in college, performing in campus productions, then forming the Cornerstone Theater company, which took classics to small towns, encouraging locals to participate
in them...after five years of touring with the company she returned to Brooklyn where she became a school teacher. In 1992 she got her first roles on TV...in a series titled Middle Ages, which earned her notce..in 1993 she got recurring role in NYPD Blue.. she stayed there for two years...in 1995 she moved to the big screen in Bye Bye Love, Casper and Heat...She has continued to act steadily since...In 1999 she wrote, produced and starred in a new series (husband produced the pilot) titled Judging Amy...She was with the very successful series until 2005......She has also done some outside spots, including a role in a movie in 1999 titled Nine Lives...She is married (1995) to director Bradley Silberling (Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events, many TV shows)...they have two children. Brad was director of NYPD Blue when Amy played officer, Janice Licalsi.  She did 138 episodes of Judging Amy and it ended in 2005. Amy did a couple of Grey's Anatomy episodes and she has finished filming three movies, 88 Minutes, Downloading Nancy and The Jane Austen Book Club...She is currently filming a new TV series for 2008 called Private Practice where she will play Dr. Violet Turner. She and Brad recently were honored with the 'Help Humanitarian Award' for their commitment to many philanthropic causes

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TV LAST NIGHT

(We watched TV for you last night)

We watched:
SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE
PIRATE MASTER

There was also a neat show on Animal Planet that was tied in with the movie, Evan Almighty.  It was all about working with the animals that star in Prime Time tv.  There was a history of animals on tv along with how animals are trained for the movies etc.


SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE

In the bottom three, dancing solos last night were:

Pasha and Jesse  (They danced that quirky bird dance)
Shauna and Jimmy (They did the Step dance)
Faina and Cedric (Foxtrot to "Fever)

Each did their solos and Jimmy was incredible with his toe touches and
Cedric and his B-boy style was amazing.  Jesse and Faina were both forgettable while Shauna knocked us out with holding her leg over her head and spinning at the same time.

Daddy Yankee performed (he can't dance) while the judges decided who will stay and who goes..

In the end, Faina and Jimmy went home.  Faina was stone faced while Jimmy fought back tears.  All three of the guys were great dancers.

-

PIRATE MASTER

Azmuth is still captain of the ship.  Everyone notices that he's suddenly
developed a British accent.

Sean apologizes to Jay for breaking their pack about voting for Cheryl.   Sean promises he will never break his word to him again.  In the meantime, Jay says Sean is dead to him.

The ship is swabbed and a flirty water fight breaks out between Nessa and Sean.  The other girls are appalled by her actions.    It's more of party time with  Azmuth as captain than with Joe Don.  There's crab races and swimming.  Finally  the crew sets sail to their next destination.

All hands are called on deck and another treasure hunt is begun.  Teams are chosen randomly.  Sean is nervous because the red team is made up with a bunch of wimps.  The black crew has the strongest and smartest members.

Again, crews row to shore and follow a trail into the jungle.  First team to the  sabatoge can slow the team behind.  They have to find their way to a crocodile head landmark.  

Even though the red team initially had the advantage, black crew reaches the sabotage first and uses it to slow down red team.  In this case, the sabotage was a net full of fake rocks that when cut, ran down the jungle trail.

Once at that landmark, crews found the next clue, which leads them back to the anchor where they first arrived. 

Azmuth left the clue left the clue behind and while they were at the anchor, they didn't know what to do.  By this time, the red crew has started digging around  their anchor.   Black crew finally arrives for the second time and starts digging. The red crew finds the treasure first.

There's only $5,000 in gold in this treasure chest, but there's a secret
compartment with a message.  First the team elects Louie as captain.  Sean and Nessa are chosen as officers.   The message is a royal pardon.  Whoever has a pardon, cannot be cut adrift.  Pirates can bid for the pardon before the black spots are issued, whether they need it or not.  If they do not use the pardon, they must sell it before the next pirate court.

Joe Don's plan to intimidate Jay backfires and gets Jay so mad that he promotes Joe Don getting a black spot.  All Louie can think of is to get rid of Joe Don as revenge for getting rid of his friend.

Getting spots"  Azmuth, Cheryl and Joe Don.

Joe Don bid $7,000 for the pardon and he was the highest bidder.  The ballot count 4-3 to vote Cheryl off.  Because he didn't need it, Joe Don has to surrender the pardon before the next ceremony. 

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TV TONIGHT

STARGATE SG-1 8pm (SCI FI) series finale
Original "SG-1" characters Sam, Daniel and Teal continue to the end, as the Asgard decides to pass on all its knowledge and technology to the SG-1 team.

CLOSE TO HOME 9pm (CBS)
Envy, lust and anger are the prime suspects in the murder of a minister, as Annabeth suspects either his wife, jealous of her husband's affair, or his mistress, angry about his refusal to divorce. But when she discovers church funds have gone missing, a new deadly sin, greed, enters the picture.

BONES 8pm (FOX)
Brennan's latest body was found in a tub of caustic liquid. There are at least three people with possible motives for wanting him dead.

THE MAN IN THE IRON MASK 8pm (TCM)
Not the Leonardo DiCaprio version. This 1939 swashbuckler has Louis Hayward doing double duty as King Louis XIV and his imprisoned brother, Philippe.

DEEP IMPACT 8pm (TNT)
A comet is on a collision course with Earth, and while a crew of astronauts
tries to avert the disaster by planting nukes on it.

STRANDED 9pm (LIFETIME)
While visiting a Caribbean resort, a bride-to-be and her bridesmaids charter a boat for an afternoon on a remote island. First, the boat doesn't come back for them, then the women start disappearing one at a time.

NUMB3RS  10pm (CBS)
Don is seeing his therapist and learning that he has a problem with control. Megan must take control of the team's current crisis: the kidnapping of a music mogul's son.
 
******************
LATE NIGHT TALKERS
******************

David Letterman - NBA commentator Charles Barkley; actor Seth Rogen;
                  Michael Martin Murphey performs.
Jay Leno - Kelly Clarkson performs.
Conan O'Brien - Actress Lauren Graham; actor Steve Zahn;
                Rooney performs.
Craig Ferguson - Actor Eddie Izzard; comic John Roy;
                 Goo Goo Dolls perform.
Jimmy Kimmel - Actor John Cusack; author Tom Ruprecht;
               Def Leppard performs.
.
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WEBSITE OF THE DAY

WHO JOURNALISTS GIVE POLITICAL MONEY TO
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19113455
Dems get the bucks with a 9-1 ratio.  This site lists names
and amounts

MY FAMOUS NAME
Web site: http://www.myfamousname.com/
Looking for folks with famous names and how it's affected their lives.
Offers opportunities for endorsements

HACK YOUR FLASHLIGHT
http://www.techeblog.com/index.php/tech-gadget/feature-cool-flashlight-hacks
Turn that ordinary flashlight in to a beacon or even a phone charger

ZAFU
http://www.zafu.com/women/plus/jeans/catalog.do?method=SEO_CATALOG
helping women discover what jeans to buy for a perfect fit.

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TRIVIA

HOW WAS THE ATOMIC BOMB RESPONSIBLE FOR THE BIKINI BATHING SUIT?  ans:  a test bomb was to be exploded on the
unheard of Bikini-Atoll in 1946. People's imaginations went wild,
thinking it would cause the end of the world. They held end-of-
the-world parties, or "Bikini" parites. Since people were planning to
die, modesty was thrown out the window. So, to attract more
attention, some promoters came up with a bathing suit that dared
to go farther than anyone before, a scanty two-piece - the world's
first "bikini."

Other interesting stuff about bathing suits:

The first prototypes of modern swim trunks were introduced around the turn of the 20th century. Despite their more modern appearance, these swimsuits left much to be desired in terms of fit and convenience. The trunks became extremely heavy when wet (weighing approximately nine pounds when completely saturated) and had a tendency to fall down.

In the 1920s, the battles between proponents of scanty one-piece swimsuits and the guardians of public morality who favored more modest swimwear often resulted in violence. Pitched, gang-style battles were known to occur throughout the country. Many women were actually arrested for defying laws that banned scanty beachwear.

In 1931, the swimsuit label Jantzen introduced its new "Sunnette" model swimsuit for young girls. The swimsuit consisted of short-style bottoms with thin straps over the shoulders to hold the bottoms in place. The chest was left entirely bare. The new model was recommended for its full body exposure to the healthful ultra-violet rays of the sun.

Swimsuit accessories took on new importance in the 1950s, as approximately half of America’s population visited the beaches each summer. Sunglasses, hats, beach bags, and a variety of footwear all came into fashion for both style and functionality.

Spandex fabric revolutionized the swimsuit industry in the 1960s, allowing
swimsuit designers to create a more fitted, lightweight swimsuit product.

In 1964, the introduction of the Sport’s Illustrated Swimsuit Edition rocketed swimsuit fashion into the lives of both men and women. For 40 years, the magazine has continued to showcase new swimsuit styles and models.

In the 1980s, the world’s most expensive swimsuit cost $12,000 and boasted a scattering of diamonds and pearls on a jet-black maillot-style cut. (The term maillot, meaning a tight-fitting one-piece swimsuit, is from the French word maillot, meaning swaddling clothes.)

According to a recent Mervyn’s department store survey, women would rather clean the bathroom, take a call from a telemarketer, do the laundry, and take their car in to be serviced than shop for and try on swimsuits.

--

MSNBC.com identified 144 journalists who made political contributions from 2004 through the start of the 2008 campaign, according to the public records of the Federal Election Commission. Most of the newsroom checkbooks leaned to the left: 125 journalists gave to Democrats and liberal causes. Only 17 gave to Republicans. Two gave to both parties.

-

About 90% of Americans say they support organ donation, but only 30% have actually signed up to part with their parts after they die.

The cost of such an all-take, no-give setup is high. Nearly 100,000 patients in the U.S. are idling on the United Network for Organ Sharing (UNOS) matching list, waiting for a donor and 18 a day will die waiting.

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PHONER

Did you hear about the naked couple that fell 50 feet off the top of a building in South Carolina on Wednesday?  Police haven't been definitive but if it had been a suicide you would have thought they would have chosen a higher building...in fact, they found the couple's clothes on the roof...so best explanation, so far, is they were having sex and just fell of the roof...this brings us to today's phoner...how did you hurt yourself during love making?

-------

"Free Plug Day"..just for kids looking for jobs and having their own
businesses like mowing services, etc...If you have never done this, you
will get calls later from people wanting the contact numbers.  But this
time allow Kids who are off for the summer and who are looking for work to come on and tell us what kind of work they're lookin for. The "In 10
seconds tell us about yourself"  question will rattle any teen.  The moms
will love ya for it.

-------

The mosquitos and other bugs are out for summer...What is an expensive method to get rid of them?

Take a white dinner plate with water in it,put a few drops of Joy Lemon dish wash soap. Mosquitos are attracted to it (we don't know why) and after sipping it are dead within 10 feet.

Bounce dryer sheets. Some listeners put them in their socks, pants,
and shirt to keep mosquitos away. The are also useful for taking
love bugs off your car. Just wet and wipe.

Any other summer time bug tips?

-------

Summer romances are like no other....a girl or a guy visiting relatives for the summer..someone you meet at a summer job..Who is in a summer romance right now?  Tell us your memories of your summer love..Anybody get married to their summer romance?

------

Terrible story about the girl who had her legs caught off in that ride in Kentucky yesterday...have you ever been injured on an amusement park ride?  Has anything happened when you thought you were going to die while on a ride?  How daring are you..do you avoid those that just seem too dangerous or are you "go for it" no matter what?
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ON THE STREET

This week we've been hit with typical hazy, hot and humid summer weather, which of course means taking the high powered hose out onto the grassy knoll infrornt of the building. We invite listeners to come by and we'll spray them in the car. Last year convertibles were getting sprayed, sunroofs were good targets, but the main attraction was Stunt Guy in his bathing suit lounging around in a kiddie pool.

-----

Yesterday being the first day of summer, we held our 1st annual (Morning Show) Bikini Blow-out, and bathing suit contest in the park next to our office tower...Both men and women could participate, with a winner from each sex winning $50...Stunt Guy threw himself on the grenade the night before, by going to a local strip bar to recuit women to participate.  Way to make the big sacrifice Stunt Guy...

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LISTS

Woman's Day Magazine/AOL Food Report Finds:

  -- 16% stating they consume it two or more times a week.
  -- 36% stated they eat fast food at least once a week
  -- 43% admit to only sticking to a diet for a week before cheating
  -- 32% eat something they regret later almost every single day
  -- 21% say they've never really dieted
  -- 50% often skip at least one major meal and graze throughout the day
  -- Despite nutritionists suggestions that diners ask for reduced portions
     when eating out
  -- 17% have asked their waiter for a smaller portion
  -- 79% of mothers are not concerned about their child's weight
  -- 80% believe eating healthy would be easier if it wasn't so expensive
  -- 85% say their eating habits are not influenced at all about cost

(Source: The poll, which surveyed over 2,500 American women, provides insight into the eating habits and concerns of American women. The complete findings are highlighted in the June 19 issue of Woman's Day magazine)

--

MOST IRRITATING WORDS SPAWNED BY THE INTERET

Earlier this month, the growing use of words inspired by cyberspace was
highlighted when the Collins English Dictionary announced that a string of them would be included in their ninth edition. These included "me-media", a term for personal content websites such as Facebook, and "godcast", a religious service which has been converted to an MP3 format.

Topping the list of words most likely to make web users "wince, shudder or want to bang your head on the keyboard" was

1. folksonomy, a term for a web classification system.
2. Blogosphere", the collective name for blogs or online journals,
3  blog" itself was third;
4. netiquette", or Internet etiquette, came fourth and
5. blook", a book based on a blog, was fifth.

(Source: YouGov questioned 2,091 adults earlier this month)

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BATHING SUITS

It's that time of year when guys put on the same suit they had last
year, and all the chicks go out to buy new suits so they are ready for
the new summer.  Well, from a book called "1001 Ways to Reveal Your
Personality" here is a list of what the color of your bathing suit says
about you.

Black:  You like to stand out in a crowd, are sensuous, like to tan, and
love the beach

White:  You like to control any situation you are in, have some
innocence in your life, and sometimes can be very provocative.

Red:  You like to be flamboyant, remembered by people who meet you, love
sports, and will always try anything once.

Blue:  You are always calm and collected, organized, and like to follow
a schedule

Orange:  You are a morning person, are enthusiastic, and are positive
and optimistic.

Yellow:  You are bright and cheerful, like to smile, like nature, and
have a good sense of humor

Green:  You like the outdoors, are honest and open, and love meeting new
people

----

Signs You're Not Ready for Summer

*Still trying to untangle the Christmas lights
*The pool boy shows up with a backhoe
*Putting on last year's bathing suit requires Vaseline and a shoe horn
*Used all your bikini wax to polish your hardwood floors during the winter
*Your belly has more rolls than Sara Lee
*You're so white even the Ku Klux Klan turned you down
*The sun's reflection off your phosphorescent white skin actually damaged one of the space station's solar panels

-------

TOP 35 OXYMORONS:

35. State worker
34. Legally drunk
33. Exact estimate
32. Act naturally
31. Found missing
30. Resident alien
29. Genuine imitation
28. Airline Food
27. Good grief
26. Government organization
25. Sanitary landfill
24. Alone together
23. Small crowd
22. Business ethics
21. Soft rock
20. Butt Head
19. Military Intelligence
18. Sweet sorrow
17. Rural Metro (ambulance service)
16. "Now, then ..."
15. Passive aggression
14. Clearly misunderstood
13. Peace force
12. Extinct Life
11. Plastic glasses
10. Terribly pleased
9.  Computer security
8.  Political science
7.  Tight slacks
6.  Definite maybe
5.  Pretty ugly
4.  Rap music
5.  Working vacation
2.  Religious tolerance

And the number one top Oxymoron....

1.  Microsoft Works
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MIND BENDER

A Long Island couple could go to jail for 15 days and face a $250 fine
for doing this.

Answer:

Letting their 5 and 11 year old daughters play "too loudly" in their
backyard swimming pool.

William and Rachel Poczatek, who live in the village of Bayville, were hit with
a notice of violation after neighbors complained about the couple's daughters, aged 5 and 11, who they said played too loudly around the family's backyard pool.

The couple is due in court Wednesday to face the charge of violating a noise code usually reserved for "the shouting and crying of peddlers, hawkers and vendors which disturbs the peace and quiet of the neighborhood.''

Neighbor Mark Kostakis, whose wife, Angie, is listed as one of the complainants on the summons, said he began making audio recordings of the children to document the noise. He said he spent three years complaining to the village and the Poczateks. "I don't work 12 hours a day to come home and listen to this....''

Rachel Poczatek said her children should be allowed to play outside during the day, though she does tell them to be quiet.

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NEWS N STUFF

HAVE A FAMOUS NAME?

How valuable would William Shakespeare's endorsement of the latest screenplay be? Paul Bunyan's testimonial for the big-and-tall men's shop at the mall? Or how about Anne Boleyn's recommendation of a marriage counselor? All are real possibilities, thanks to My Famous Name (http://www.myfamousname.com/), the new Web site where people blessed with famous names can go to network.

"I started MyFamousName.com strictly for fun," explained founder Craig Dixon, "but many members have indicated they would like to be considered for product endorsements, testimonials and book blurbs. We welcome marketers looking for such talent, as well as publicists and fan clubs with their own agendas."

The real fun lies in members' ability to write about the famous people whose names they share and to post their own wacky stories about living with a famous name. There is always the possibility of actually being contacted by a famous namesake through the site, and Dixon encourages businesses and marketers to arrange events like famous-name meet-ups, national giveaways for all people with certain famous names, and invitations to celebrity events where a famous namesake will be appearing.

CONTACT: Craig Dixon of My Famous Name, Inc., +1-646-536-3130,
craig@myfamousname.com

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JOKE TO GO

On a recent Continental Airlines flight from Amsterdam to Newark passengers had to suffer through a long trip with sewage flowing down the isle. That prompted Hollywood to work on a new movie idea: "Turds on a plane" (Pedro Bartes)

The U.S. Senate grilled the State Department in hearings Monday over the
backlog in passport applications. Travel rules vary. You need a passport to
travel from the United State to Mexico but to come back you just need a
bottle of water and a compass. (Argus Hamilton)


I went to fill up yesterday and gave the guy a twenty dollar bill.  He wiped
the dipstick with it.....

Pulled into the station yesterday and asked for a dollars worth of gas. 
The attendant dabbed some behind my ears...

 

   This fella Joe is constantly annoying his friends by saying, "It coulda
been worse" to just about any story they tell.  No matter what, it's always
"it coulda been worse" from ol' Joe.
   One day Bill walks up to Joe and says, "Hey Joe.  Didya here what happened with your old pal Davey?"  Joe says, "No."  Bills says, "Oh, it was horrible.
Davey comes home last night and catches the old lady in bed with this guy.
He grabs his gun and starts shooting.  He kills the guy, then blowws away hiswife.  THEN, Davey turns the gun on himself and boom, it's over.  The cops found the bodies about two hours ago."
   Joes says, "It coulda been worse."
   Dumbfounded Bills says, "It coulda been WORSE??!  How!?"
   Joe says, "If that had happened TWO days ago, I'd be a dead man."


Bill's barn burned down and his wife, Lynn, called the
insurance company.

Lynn spoke to the insurance agent and said, "We had that
barn insured for fifty-thousand, and I want my money."

The agent replied, "Whoa there, just a minute. Insurance
doesn't work quite like that. An independent adjuster will
assess the value of what was insured, and then we'll
provide you with a new barn of similar worth."

There was a long pause, and then Lynn replied, "If that's
how it works, then I want to cancel the life insurance
policy on my husband."



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