(c) 2007 New Radio Star, INC.

Final update at 11:42pm PDT

We begin with the top four headline stories...

Bridgeport, Connecticut...a woman got out of her van to ask for directions to a barbecue, then noticed that the car with her three children in it was rolling backward...she ran and jumped back in, trying to stop the vehicle but was unable to do so before it rolled 70 yards into a park pond.  It was 20 to 25 minutes later before members of the police scuba teams were able to pull the three out.  Recuers were unable to revive the woman and two of the children and they died at the scene.  A third child was in critical condition. All three children were under 7 years of age...the survivor is 5.
People celebrating the 4th near the pond tried in vain to stop the van as well.

This is a big story for the U.S. because it is an example of the widening of the showdown between President/General Pervez Murhaffaf and fundamentalists in Pakistan.  After thousands of young fundamentalists holded in the Red Mosque in Isamabad, Musharraf finally sent a huge army of soliders and ordered the evacuation yesterday..more than a thousand surrendered and the top cleric of the mosque was captured as he tried to escape wearing the burqa, the Muslim woman's traditional garp. At least 17 were killed in the fighting, with hundreds injured...one wall of the mosque had been destroyed and explosions were being heard throughout the city as those wishing martyrdom remained inside.

When Russian President Vladimir Putin left a meeting with President Bush in Kennebunkport, Maine, he headed to Guatamala to lobby for the 2014 Winter Olympics to be held in tiny Sochi, Russia.  Putin had a more productive outcome in Guatamala than he did the U.S., as tiny Sochi, Russia was given the nod.  By a vote of 51-47 of the Olympic Committe, Putin and company defeated the South Korean city of Pyeongchang.  The result was a triumph for Putin, who put his international prestige on the line by coming to Guatemala to lobby IOC members

The closely knit community of Bridgewater, Virginia was in shock yesterday after four members of the Showalter family and a worker on their farm were dead..apparently from methane gas poisoning.  The accident began when 34 year old Scott Showalter entered a manure pit at his dairy farm to unclog a pipe..something he had done many times before..but the methane gas in the pit overcame him and he passed out into the 9 foot pit of cow manure.  Seeing the collapse, farm worker Amous Stoltzfus, 24 went in after him and was overcome as well...nearby, wife Phyllis 33 and their daughters Shayla 11 and Christina 9 also dove in to rescue...all five died in the pit..either by methane poisoning or drowning.  One of the close friends in this community of conservative mennonites said of methane..You cannot smell it, you cannot see it, but it's an instant kill,"


A Hong Kong woman who blinded her boyfriend in one eye during a fight six years ago has been thrown in jail for six months for jabbing a chopstick into his other eye.  According to teh South China Morning Post, last November, Po Shiu-fong, 58, accused long-time boyfriend, Kwok Wai-ming, 49, of having an affair. During the fight, Po stabbed a plastic chopstick into his left eye, which she had already blinded six years ago when she poked it with her finger.  After stopping the bleeding, the couple went to bed for the night.  The next morning, however, the couple picked up the argument again and Po grabbed a chopstick and stabbed Kwok's right eye. Two days later, Kwok went for medical attention and filed a police report. The paper said he didn't report the attack six years ago, telling the court his silence was "a love sacrifice".

Rather than being a precursor to sleep, scientists fromm New York State University say the yawn is actually designed to keep you awake.  A study has found that when you yawn, the inhaled air reduces the temperature of vessels in the nasal cavity, allowing cooled blood to be sent to the brain. This chills the brain, making it more alert and able to perform better.  Those who breathe in through the nose instead of the mouth are much less likely to yawn, as the vessels in the nasal cavity are already cooled.  The scientists believe that 'contagious' yawning, where one immediate The mimics another's yawn, is an evolved protective mechanism to make a group more alert.

It appears that the sharks in all ten of Germany's aquariums are not creating enough offspring, so scientists are trying to get them in the mood for love by playing romantic music in the tanks.   The sharks will be played  songs ranging from pop to reggae and even classical music twice a day for an hour. According to an aquarium spokesman, they have tried everything else and they have nothing to lose by trying the music. The theme tune to Jaws is not included, but among the songs that will be played are 'Endless Love' by Lionel Richie and Diana Ross, and 'Let's Get it On' by Marvin Gaye. After special requests from visitors, one aquarium has also added 'A Good Heart' by Feargal Sharkey and 'Good Vibrations by the Beach Boys.  Should the music therapy work, visitors to the aquariums will also get their money's worth as the mating ritual between sharks is spectacular. Male sharks pursue the female and even bite her fins. 


These were the hits on this day in....

I Can’t Stop Loving You - Ray Charles
The Stripper - David Rose
Palisades Park - Freddy Cannon
Wolverton Mountain - Claude King

1970The Love You Save - The Jackson 5
Mama Told Me (Not to Come) - Three Dog Night
Ball of Confusion - The Temptations
He Loves Me All the Way - Tammy Wynette

1978Shadow Dancing - Andy Gibb
Baker Street - Gerry Rafferty
It’s a Heartache - Bonnie Tyler
It Only Hurts for a Little While - Margo Smith

1986There’ll Be Sad Songs (To Make You Cry) - Billy Ocean
Holding Back the Years - Simply Red
Who’s Johnny - El DeBarge
Everything that Glitters (Is Not Gold) - Dan Seals

Here's an inconvenient truth for ya...
Al Gore III, the son of former Vice President,  Al Gore has been arrested on suspicion of drug possession. The 24 year old was pulled over after
allegedly driving his Prius 100 miles an hour down an Orange County freeway.  When deputies searched the car they found pot, along with Valium, Xanax, Vicodin and Adderall. He is currently being held at the Santa Ana Inmate Reception Center on $20,000 bail. This isn't Gore III's
first arrest. He was charged with marijuana posession in 2003 and was ticketed for reckless driving in 2000 and 2002.

Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductee, Chrissie Hynde,  is opening a vegetarian restaurant in her hometown, of Canton, Ohio, late this summer.    The restaurant, a mix of mediterranean and vegetarian cuisine will be called,  "VegeTerranean."  Hynde, who lives in England will play a free concert at its grand opening on September 15th.  

OK Magazine's 'Most Influential Celebrities"
Celebrities were separated by editors into six categories: beauty queens, style setters, entertainers, newsmakers, survivors and body shapers.

Beauty Queens
Katie Holmes
Jennifer Lopez

Rosie O'Donnell
Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie
T.R. Knight (Grey's Anatomy)

10-month-old Dannielynn Hope

The top three entertainers:
"American Idol" judge Simon Cowell,
Carrie Underwood
Heidi Klum.

Body Shaper
Tyra Banks

Sarah Jessica Parker,
Justin Timberlake
Kate Moss 

Madonna is perceived to be the least green artist on the bill at Live Earth, according to a survey.  And James Blunt, the Beastie Boys, the Red Hot Chili Peppers and the Black Eyed Peas don't strike the public as particularly environmentally friendly either.  The concert at Wembley is one of several taking place around the world on July 7 to highlight awareness of global warming.  David Kuo, head of personal finance at fool.co.uk, which carried out the survey of 674 people, said: "Live Earth will go some way to help, but caring for the environment goes beyond exercising vocal chords, rapping and crooning. Wouldn't it be refreshing if all the artists turned up to Live Earth on their bicycles?"  The Live Earth celebrities people believe to be the least green are:

Solo Artist

1. Madonna
2. James Blunt
3. Paolo Nutini 


1. Beastie Boys
2. Red Hot Chili Peppers
3. Black Eyed Peas

Wrestling legend, Hulk Hogan, says he wants to unite America by bringing
together famous feuding pairs. Hogan is the spokesperson for "The Official
Uniting Towel Wave of America." Hogan will "pair up six personalities who have not seen eye-to-eye over the years and have them reunite next year on July 4, 2008 in Freedom, Pennsylvania, while thousands of people wave towels simultaneously."  The slogan of the bizarre campaign is, "If these two can unite for our country, don't you think we all can." Hogan will try to get Rush Limbaugh and Bill Maher to make up as well as Rosie O'Donnell and her former co-star on "The View," Elisabeth Hasselbeck. All proceeds from towel sales and sponsorship of the drive, which kicks off in September, will be split up to go to each celebrity participant's charity.

Paris Hilton has a message for her fans: Don't drink and drive on Independence Day. "Happy 4th of July everyone, and remember to be responsible and have a designated driver!" reads a new entry on Hilton's MySpace page. "Just looking out for you all. I love you and have an amazing summer!" Hilton, 26, got out of jail last week after spending 23 days behind bars for violating probation in an alcohol-related driving case.

TMZ is reporting that the new Indiana Jones movie is heading to Hawaii. 
Harrison Ford, Shia LaBeouf and new cast members, Jim Broadbent and Cate Blanchett are currently shooting scenes at Yale in New Haven, Conn. but production of the fourth Indiana Jones film is expected to shift to the garden island of Kauai within a few weeks.

"Jackass" stuntman, Johnny Knoxville,  filed for divorce on Tuesday from his wife of nearly 12 years, Melanie Lynn. The court documents cite
"irreconcilable differences." The couple has been married since May 1995 and separated in July last year. Knoxville is seeking custody of their 11-year-old daughter Madison Tatiana.

Entertainer, Wayne Brady has filed for divorce from his wife,
Mandie Taketa Brady. The couple married in April 1999 and has been split for a year. They have a four-year-old girl together, Maile Masako. The petition cites irreconcilable differences for the split and seeks joint custody. Brady is known for "Whose Line Is It Anyway?," guest spots on "Everybody Hates Chris," "How I Met Your Mother" and "30 Rock." He next hosts the karaoke show "Don't Forget the Lyrics!"  premiering on Wednesday, July 11.


Hard to believe, but more rain is forcast for north central Texas this morning..that rain will spread down into south central Texas where it will be heavy at times...Rain over much of Oho and West Virginia as well this morning....That Ohio rain will begin to move east and hit the southern half of Pennsyvlania and spread into southern New England by midday..rain in northern Kentucky and rain will spread over much of Florida also. By tonight rain will cover almost the entire state of Texas, Louisiana, Arkansas and much of Oklahoma..also rain will spread across Tennessee..in the northeast rain will hit much of New England tonight..the rain will continue across Florida...It will be incredibly hot in the west..up to 117 in Las Vegas, 115 in Phoenix, 102 in Salt Lake, 107 in Boise..well over 110 in Nevada and the California central valley and deserts...even up to 84 in Seattle..91 in Denver...Mid to upper 80s in the north central, low 90s in the center of the U.S...High 70s to low 80s in the northeast..90s across the southeast..Atlanta up to 93, 92 in Charlotte and Norfolk.

EDIE FALCO is 44 today...

Edith Falco was born July 5, 1963 in Brooklyn, New York..she grew up
on Long Island...Her father is art director, Frank Falco and her
mother is actress "Judith M. Anderson." Edie was acting at a very
early age in local theatre.. She attended the prestigious Conservatory
of Theatre Arts and Film, then moved into Manhattan and went on the
audition trail..she worked odd jobs including one period as a Cookie
Monster trying to get people to dance...She began to get small movie
parts starting with Sweet Lorraine in 1987..it was 7 years before she
got her first significant part...as Lorna in Bullets Over Broadway...She continued to get various parts in movies each year, but it was television where she started to make her mark..first in Homicide: Life on the Street in 1993, Law & Order in 1990 and a recurring role in Oz in 1997.  But she finally became a star in 1999 when she was cast as Carmella in The Sopranos. In 2000 she swept the major TV awards with an Emmy, Golden Globe and SAG award. Through the years Edie has also done her share of work on live stage, winning an award for her work in Sideman....also had a role in The Vagina Monogues, as well as various other plays. Now, her movie roles continue to expand..she was in Family of The Year in 2004..In 2005 The Great New Wonderful, The Quiet and The Girl From Monday.  Last year she was in Freedomland. She is currently filming Cult Figure which will be released in 2008...Edie has never married, but had a
relationship with actor Stanley Tucci for some time.  She was treated for breast cancer in 2004, but she was treated successfully..December 2004 she adopted a baby boy who she named Anderson...


(We watched TV for you last night)

There were three different channels offering fireworks and others offering movies and marathons...  The one new program that aired yesterday was the annual hot dog eating contest...  So, here it is:

Nathan's Annual Hot Dog Eating Contest

Joey Chestnut Wins Hot Dog Eating Contest
I don't know if you've ever watched the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Competition before on TV, but ESPN aired it and it's a disgusting thing to watch....  Challengers shove hot dogs down their throats, followed by water soaked buns.   While the water, saliva and chewed bun and hotdogs slide out of their mouths, their cheeks puffed, the contestants just keep shoving the stuff down their throats.    The contest has been taking place every year since 1916 (according to legend)

(In 2006, 30,000 fans crowded the corner of Surf and Stillwell Avenues in Coney Island to witness the match-up between Takeru Kobayashi of Japan and Joey Chestnut of California. An additional 1.5 million households tuned in to the contest’s live broadcast on ESPN. Chestnut ate an astounding 52 Nathan’s Hot Dogs and Buns in the 12-minute contest, nearly dethroning Kobayashi who ate 53.75 hot dogs and buns and secured his sixth straight title.)

Twenty contestants lined up at a 40 foot table.  (regional contests are held to determine qualifiers.)  Each contestant has two counters dressed in black and white referee shirts and a flip card counting chart so you can see at any given moment how many hot dogs that contestant has eaten.

The contest is on only 12 minutes, but that's a long time to watch such a disgusting sight.  Seriously, had to cover my eyes a couple of times.

23 year old Joey Chestnut of San Jose, Calif., shattered the record books by downing 66 hot dogs, (one every 10.9 seconds) beating the official Nathan record of 53. 

Last year's winner, and winner for the past six years, Takeru Kobayahsi, 29, of Japan, had also eaten 66 hot dogs, but in the last 15 seconds 3 hot dogs worth came back up.....and yes, we had a close up of the shot.   What I want to know is who had to determine approximately how many dogs worth of stuff had been regurgitated....

There had been talk that Kobayashi, who announced last week he had been diagnosed with arthritis of the jaw, might not participate this year, but he showed up and was more determined than ever.

Asked immediately after his victory when he might be ready to face his next frank, Chestnut replied, "If I needed to eat one right now, I could."

Third-place winner Patrick Bertoletti, of Chicago, downed 49 dogs and dedicated his game to Nicky Hilton, sister of Paris Hilton, because, he said, the younger sibling doesn't get as much publicity as her sister.

Chestnut said he'd eaten no solid food for two days but drank about a gallon of water the morning of the event.

Chestnut will be given ownership of the coveted international "bejeweled" mustard-yellow belt. The belt is of "unknown age and value" according to IFOCE co-founder George Shea and rests in the country of its owner.

In 2007, for the first time, cash prizes were awarded to the winners, as a total of $20,000 was awarded as follows:

  • 1st Place: $10,000
  • 2nd Place: $5,000
  • 3rd Place: $2,500
  • 4th Place: $1,500
  • 5th Place: $1,000


Julie Chen returns as host to a new house full of crazy people...  Wait until
they find out that their worst enemies are there as well!

Betty persuades a well-known but Meade-hating photographer to meet with her and Daniel, using her neighborhood connections. But when her attempt to change her look goes horribly wrong, she has Amanda go in her place.

Jay continues to manipulate the pirates; a secret society forms within the crew in a bid to steer the remaining voyage.

Dwight takes Ryan on his first sales call and subjects him to a bizarre string of tests. Michael struggles with a corporate mandate to keep track of how he spends his time.

Joy finds out she has a half sister.  The bad news: Sis turns out to be someone Joy can't stand, aspiring wrestler Liberty Washington. The women settle their differences with a rasslin' match.

CSI 10pm (CBS)
A prominent politician with a strong anti-drug agenda is murdered, and a major drug supplier is the prime suspect.

Michael tries to save his mother's best friend from a con artist.


Jay Leno - Actor Steve Carell; former NBA player Kenny Smith; Goo Goo Dolls perform.
David Letterman - Actress Jane Fonda; writer Tom Ruprecht; Kelly Clarkson performs.
Craig Ferguson - Actress Brenda Blethyn; TV personality Mike Rowe; Army of Me performs.
Jimmy Kimmel - Actor Andy Garcia; actor Josh Flitter; Plain White T's perform.
Conan O'Brien - TV personality Randy Jackson; comic Patton Oswalt; disc-golf player
                David Feldberg; Bob Weir and RatDog perform


From A-Z who's eaten the most of what

Official website of the movie

Tell your sordid tales from the workplace anonymously. Vote for stories that ring true to life.

Plans destination weddings abroad in France or Italy. Specializes in exclusive locations including European castles.


Dog Days begins today

Dog days trivia..

1) What was the name of the Dog on the Brady Bunch ?  ans.  Tiger
2) What was the name of the dog on the Nanny and the Professor ? ans.
3) What was the name of the dog on my Three Sons ? ans. Tramp
4) What was the name of the dog on The Beverly Hill Billies ? ans. Duke
5) What was the name of the dog on the Partridge family ?  ans. Simone
who is Scoobie Doo's nephew ? Scrappie Doo.

...and more...

Who's the dog on the T.V. show Empty Nest? Dryphus

Who's the dog on Fraizer? Eddie

Who was the Jetson's dog? Astro

We always throw in the names of our pets as well since we're always
talking about them on the show.

Remember the contestants must make their own dog bark before they
can answer a question..


An obscure Ohio law, enacted in 1953, states that no person shall be arrested on the Fourth of July. The law also states that no one shall be arrested on a Sunday, or on their way to or from their designated place of worship. Although the Ohio Senate introduced a bill to repeal this law in 1998, it failed to pass and the law remains in effect to this day.

According to the Ohio Revised Code section 2331.13, there are some exceptions to the rule. Treason, the commission of a felony, or breach of the peace,  though there is no legal definition for breach of the peace in Ohio law.

Section 2331.13 of this 1953 law further states that whoever arrests a person in violation of the Sunday, Fourth of July, or church provisions shall pay the person arrested $100, to be recovered by civil action.


July is National  Hot Dog Month according to the National Hot Dog and Sausage Council,

Americans eat more than 16 billion hot dogs each year.

American eat about 150 million hot dogs on the 4th of July (about 2 billion for the whole month of July).

Most popular hot dog toppings by region (2005):
New York - Mustard
Chicago - Cucumber, Tomato, Pickle, Onion, Pickle Relish
Los Angeles - Mayonnaise, Cheese.

Americans eat an average of 60 hot dogs each.

Always dress the dog and not the bun. The National Hot Dog Council also recommends the following order for condiment application:
first wet (mustard for example),
then chunky (relish or onions),
then cheese if desired,
then any spices.

The average hot dog is consumed in 6.1 bites.
(average sized mouth tested)

Baseball fans will enjoy "in the ballpark" of 26.8 million hot dogs at US baseball stadiums this season. That's enough to circle the bases 36,000 times.

Hot dogs taste good, no matter what language...

Spanish hot dog - Perrito Caliente
Italian Hot dog - Caldo Cane
French Hot dog - Chien Chaud
German Hot Dog - Heisser Hund or Wurst
Portugese Hot dog - Cachorro Quento
Swedish Hot Dog - Korv or Varmkorv
Nowegian/Danish Hot dog - Grillpolser
Czech Hot Dog - Park v rohliku
Dutch Hot Dog - Worstjes
Finish Hot Dog - Makkarat
Romanian Hot Dog - Cremvusti


Our first day back after the Fourth of July.. I thought we'd see if
anyone had any leftover fireworks. We'll see if we can bribe a listener into
setting off a firecracker next to their phone - we'll try it very early so
perhaps we can get a pissed off wife/Mom on the phone afterwards.

By the way...anybody lose a finger last night from all that fireworks you shot off...any other body part gone?...Any other injuries or near injuries from the fireworks?

This week is Freedom from Fear of Public Speaking Week...What is your most embarrasing moment on stage?  Do you have a fear of public speaking?  Did you have that fear at one time but you overcame it?..How did you do it?


July is cell phone courtesy month..After a University of Michigan study etiquette expert Jaqueline Whitmore suggested these tips....What other "etiquette tips" do you have for the cell phone junkies out there

  • Put your phone on “silent” and let your voicemail take your calls during special events or business meetings.

  • Put others first. The people you are with should take precedence over calls you want to make or receive.

  • If you are expecting a call that can’t be postponed, alert your companions ahead of time.

  • Don’t be guilty of “cell yell.”

  • Don’t discuss private matters in public places.


    It's the "Dogs Days of Summer"

    Phoner:  "In the Doghouse".......  Call us and tell us why you are in poo
    poo with the better half....... we'll call them and make excuses for
    you....try and patch things up..or even better make it worse for you.


    When you were a kid, one of the best ways of cooling off was___________________.

    My partner has discovered  a portable
    Swamp Cooler which he SWEARS by.  We talked this morning about ways to keep cool, and the phones rang off the hook with listeners asking about this new MIRACLE DEVICE.  With our local Brewery closed for this week for remodeling, it is my partner's only hope of keeping cool.  How do others keep cool? 

    One listener said she fills milk jugs with water, places them in the freezer
    till frozen and then puts them in front of the fan. 

    One lady called and said she puts her underwear in the freezer overnight.

    Actress Maggie Gyllenhall said that she used to live in a house with no air
    conditioning when she was at college. To keep cool at night, she would wet
    her sheets and then freeze them before bed time.

    We had one lady who's AC was out, and her and her husband went out
    and bought a kiddie pool to sit in after work.

    Crystal Springs Water has people on rollar blades skating around with
    water misters,and they're spraying people with a fine spray that
    doesn't really get you wet...but gets you cool.

    Here's some other suggestions...

    +Have your head cryogenically frozen
    +Lay down in the frozen veggie section of your (local food chain)
    and refuse to get up.
    +Sing let it snow while sitting in bathtub full of Ice Cubes
    +Play squat tag in your neighbors sprinklers...
    +Watch Titanic while sitting infront of open fridge...
    +Funnel your refrigerator ice maker into your shorts...
    +And Janet Jacksons favorite...Iced coffee enema...


    While you're at it, if it's super hot where you are why not call the
    Hell, Michigan Country store to check on the temperature there...find
    out if you're town is hot as Hell or even hotter than Hell...The
    country store is also the home to Hell's Post Office and Hell's
    Official Weather Bureau Station. Phone number is 734-878-3129.


  • We had our man on the street out the day after the 4th in the bakery
    section of 24 hour food stores trying to bargain with them on 4th cakes
    and what not.......only offering them 10 cents on the dollar....asking
    them "WHO ELSE IS GOING TO BUY THIS???!!!" 
    And you could do this with a multitude of other related items
    AND almost every holiday we have.


    The weiner juice bit was a big hit. We did it after the 4th of July
    and put a bar-b-q spin on it.  A listener came in for concert tickets
    and drank a shot glass full of the run-off from a pack of hot dogs. 
    We had fun letting our new newspersonsqueeze the juice out of the
    dogs.  Perverted stuff.We even had salt and limes on hand for the
    shot.  Great fun.


    LOW KEY FIREWORKS  Very low-key-- My partner was about to go on vacation and was upset he wouldn't see any fireworks displays at home... So we brought in our girl-on-the-streets and armed her with silver confetti.  Very simply, she threw it in the air and said "bang."  We oohed and aahed- then senther into the streets to share "(This city's) Smallest Fireworks" Display.  She had a cell phone with her and attracted a few passers-by, honking horns and wanting to ooh and aah along with us.  Try it out if there's still time- maybe a "late" fireworks displays.  By the way, for the grand finale', she threw up two handfuls and said "Bing Bang Boom"


    There's a lot more to the web than Google. There's a lot of sites they
    don't hit...Here's a list of other ways to get to the dark areas of the Internet

    Dogpile..searches Google, MSN, Yahoo and Ask all at once..dogpile.com

    Clusty..grabs many more websites than Google, but of course, also grabs more garbage http://clusty.com

    USA Library of Congress - Good for finding research materials for
    scholarly interests. http://www.loc.gov/index.html

    Nelson Search..if you're looking for a journalistic piece

    Intute..every web page checked by humans not bots

    AltaVista..lot of people still think this is the best search engine on the net

    Wayback Machine - Maybe the page you’re looking for no longer exists?
    that’s OK, the Wayback Machine should have an index of it. The only
    snag here is, you have to give it an exact URL. Once you have that
    URL, you can find the entire history for the domain - sometimes
    through several owners! http://www.archive.org/web/web.php


    How was the fireworks last night?...See anything different?

    "Differences And Similarities Between Fireworks And Sex"

    We re-incarnated it from last year and got some good ones on
    the phone....


    They sell fireworks in stores.
    You can't get fireworks wet.
    Fireworks come in different colors.
    "Crazy Ed's" is a good place to get fireworks.
    Adult supervision is needed for fireworks.
    Everybody enjoys fireworks.
    Matches are needed to get fireworks going.
    With fireworks, you light it up and get away.
    With fireworks, all the fuses are the same size.


    Some people enjoy them both once a year.
    You'll wake up the neighbors with either if too loud.
    You'll be fined for blowing either in public.
    The bigger of either, the bigger the bang.
    Sometimes you get a dud with both.
    A group of people getting together for either is a "gang bang".
    If not careful with either, it could cause death.
    There's a lot of both made in China.
    Both are always cheaper in Kentucky.
    Both make you go "oooh" and "aaah".
    Both can go off in your hand if not careful.
    Both can result in a hell of an explosion

    From Jake Novak

    Top 10 Medical Insurance Form Questions at Dr. Mohammed Mohammed's Office

    10. Blood Type, please circle one: A, B, O, Jewish.

    9. Please state the reason for your injury/illness: a. car accident, b. slip/fall, c. failed suicide bombing.

    8. Have you had any exposure to: a. asbestos b. toxic materials c. ramshackle Iranian nuclear labs.

    7. Have you ever had: a. cancer b. bronchitis c. Infidel neighbor.

    6. To what do you attribute your illness/pain: a. hereditary problems b. alcohol/drug abuse c. Israel.

    5. Do you work: a. overnight shifts, b. construction, c. the baggage hold at Heathrow Airport.

    4. Have you ever made a Workers’ Compensation claim, and if so, do you feel comfortable filling out applications for false passports and/or visas?

    3. With what do you intend to make your payments: a. cash b. credit c. 72 virgins.

    2. Do you have a history of: a. blackouts b. seizures c. Zionism.

    1. If injured whom shall we contact: a. spouse b. child c. al Jazeera.


    Sam and Beth were standing at the edge of the swimming pool. "I can hold my breath for a whole minute," Sam told Beth. "Watch me. I'll stay underwater for one minute." He dived into the pool. Beth looked at her wristwatch. Sure enough, Sam stayed underwater for just about one minute.

    "That's nothing," said Beth. "I can stay underwater for five minutes!"

    "That's impossible!" scoffed Sam. "No one can hold their breath that long."

    "I bet I can stay underwater for five minutes." Beth repeated. So Sam bet her. Beth won the bet. How did she do it?


    Beth filled a cup with water. Then she held the cup over her head for five minutes.



    The SMART, EASY, and HEALTHY Way to Feed Your Pet Now
    By Joan Weiskopf, M.S. Veterinary Clinical Nutritionist

    A noted expert on nutritional care for pets, Joan Weiskopf knows what dogs and cats need to eat.  And it isn't melamine, BHA, or the "rendered" bones, hoofs, and hair of other animals.  In PET FOOD NATION: The SMART, EASY, and HEALTHY Way to Feed Your Pet Now she empowers pet owners to read the labels on cans and bags of mass-manufactured pet food and recognize the potentially hazardous ingredients contained inside.  What's more, she urges dog and cat lovers to take the ultimate responsibility for feeding their pets, properly and safely, by simply
    preparing their own pet food.

    CONTACT: Steve Becker  (617) 202-4119


    The Fourth of July was celebrated in America all day Wednesday with
    fireworks made in China. They're not so dangerous. Chinese fireworks
    may blow off your hand or put out your eye but they're still safer
    than their pet food, tires and toothpaste. (Argus Hamilton)

    Al Gore's son, Al Gore III, was arrested early this morning for
    driving his Toyota Prius 100 MPH and having marijuana and prescription
    drugs in his possession. The younger Gore explained he needs the drugs
    to have any hope of understanding what the Hell his father is talking
    about. (Jake Novak)

    A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian
    went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow, rain." The next day it
    rained. A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said,
    "Tomorrow, storm." The next day there was a hailstorm. "This Indian is
    incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the
    Indian to predict the weather. However, after several successful
    predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks. Finally the
    director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said
    the director, "and I'm depending on you. What will the weather be
    like?" The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know," he said.
    "Radio broke."

    On Fear of Public Speaking Week

    Recently our speaker had to discontinue several of his long talks on
    account of his throat. Several people threatened to cut it.

    You have heard it said before that this speaker needs no introduction.
    Well, I have heard him and he needs all the introduction he can get.

    Our speaker needs no introduction. What he needs is a conclusion.

    Our speaker will not bore you with a long speech...he can do it with a
    short one.


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